When considering a student for financial aid, the federal formula expects the student to contribute 50% of the student’s income (minus the income protection allowance), and 35% of the student’s assets during his/her base year. Given this, the family should spend down the student’s money first. For example, instead …

Three kids argue, whose father is the fastest.

One says, "My father is the fastest, he can overtake an arrow he shot with a bow."

The second one says, "My father is even faster - he can shoot a gun and then run to catch the bullet before it hits anything …

Father to Daughter: It's a good thing you chose to takes accounting at school. 

Daughter: How come? 

Father: Because I want you to account for coming home at five am this morning. 

Daughter: "Dad, when will I be old enough to go to the movies with a boy?"

Dad: "When you're a year older than your brother."

The daughter thought for a moment and replied: "But I'll never be older than my brother, he was born first."

Dad: "I guess …

My wife asked me before going to the hairdressers, "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?"

"A power cut" was apparently the wrong answer.

If your blood pressure is rising try meditation. A recent study shows that meditation can be a helpful complement to treatment for people with stress-induced high blood pressure.

The young mother skeptically examined a new educational toy. "Isn't it rather complicated for a small boy?" she asked the salesclerk.

"It's designed to adjust the child to live in today's world, ma'am," the shop assistant replied. "So basically, any way he tries to put it …

"Doctor, I think I'm a moth."

"It's not a doctor you need, it's a psychiatrist."

"I was on my way there when I saw your light on."

A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. 

"Doc, there's something wrong with me. Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around …

I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged.

“So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked.

“I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it you?”