Smoking will kill you.

Bacon will kill you.

But smoking bacon will cure it!

Doctor Bloomfield, who was known for extraordinary treatment of arthritis, had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, almost bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. 

When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office and, amazingly, emerged within …

My wife called. She said, "The two kids want you to take them bowling on Saturday, then afterwards they want you to take them to the cinema."

"It's either one or the other," I said. "Otherwise it's too expensive."

"OK" she replied. "Which one do you prefer?"

I …

The heart specialist was operating on the patient when he suddenly said, “Don’t worry, Adam. This is a minor operation. Everything will be all right.”

The patient replied, “Thank you Doctor, but my name is Jose.”

The heart specialist said, “I know that. Adam is my name.”

Next time your kid asks you "why?" over and over, just ask them, "Why do you keep asking me why?"

A stage mother cornered the concert violinist in his dressing room and insisted he listen to a tape of her talented son playing the violin.

The man agreed to listen, and the woman switched on the tape player. “What music!” the violinist thought. A difficult piece, but played with …

A woman stood inside the front door, her arms full of coats. Four small children scurried around her.

Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there.

"Here," she said, handing him the coats. "This time you put the children into their coats, and I'll go …

Keeping a computer on day and night will consume about 250 kilowatt-hours of electricity and will cost you around $50 dollars a month. By shutting down your computer at night, you will consume around 100 kilowatt-hours saving you about $30 a month. Make sure you point this out to others …

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more?"

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you …