Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it …

The judge reviews the divorce case very carefully and issues his judgement. "Mr Smith, I am going to give your wife $750 a month."

Mr. Smith's replies, "That's very nice of you, judge. And every once in a while I will send her a little extra too."

A customer walked into our store looking for Christmas lights. I showed her our top brand, but—wanting to make sure each bulb worked—she asked me to take them out of the box and plug them in. I did, and each one lit up.

“Great,” she said. I carefully placed …

Rhonda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don’t …

My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful.

“You know,” he said to our grandson, “it’s not easy getting old. I guess I’m in the fourth quarter now.”

“Don’t worry, Grandpa …

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. 

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said one, "but we don't have a ladder." 

The woman took a wrench …

Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely, pinup model on her refrigerator to remind her of her goal.

The reminder worked like a charm as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method.

The downside to …

After we had lunch with another couple, the girls went shopping, and the guys opted to go sailing. Bad decision as a storm blew in while us guys were out on the water.

Making matters worse, the tide had gone out, grounding the boat. We had to climb overboard and …

A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three-year-old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.

The man checked his tie …

The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step.

She asks, "Can I stay here for a few days?"

The man says, "Sure you can." And he closes the door.